


Slow Burn

by Gemology



Series: Lapidot Soviet Spies AU [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/F, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Lesbian, Lesbian Character, Lesbians, Love, Mutual Pining, Pining, Platonic Romance, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-23 07:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8319523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemology/pseuds/Gemology
Summary: Falling in love was not a part of the mission.





	1. Little Things

**Author's Note:**

  * For [QuickYoke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuickYoke/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Lapidot Soviet Spies AU](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/235153) by romans-art. 



It started as little things. They had to sleep in the same bed, true. But it was large, big enough that neither needed to touch the other when they slept. And yet, recently, Peridot had been waking up wrapped in Lapis' arms, one under her head and one over her belly, sometimes her chest. It seemed extremely intentional. She'd seen how Lapis' slept - stiff and ready, gun in the nightstand drawer, and completely still unless she was having a nightmare. Plus, she had to have moved gently enough that she hadn't woken Peridot, which seemed unlikely if she was thrashing about in her sleep.

Lapis had been the first one to initiate a kiss. Of course, that was in public, and under pressure. If they were going to be fake married, they had to act like it, right? It was done to show off to the public, to solidify the ruse that was their marriage. It wasn't even a real kiss. It wasn't something they did at home. They didn't have to put on a show at home.

That's what made the cuddling so curious. It wasn't _necessary_. It wasn't, as Lapis would say, "relevant to the mission." So why? There was no logic behind it that Peridot could see, and she considered herself to be the smarter of the two. Lapis was surely the stronger, having fought in the war, but Peridot had helped build some of the tools that allowed people to fight.

Sure, there had been a few times that they'd gone to parties and gotten drunk and taken a cab home, only to pass out together on the couch. Usually Peridot would slump there first, unable to walk another step. Lapis would flop next to her, and they'd talk for awhile until both drifted off to sleep, the smallness of the furniture piece forcing them to spoon each other. Peridot would blame it on the drunkenness every time.

But there were more little things, and they happened more frequently. Sometimes Lapis would ruffle her hair playfully, which Peridot always found annoying. But Lapis would just laugh about it, and then she'd lean down and drape her arms over Peridot's shoulders and bury her face in her hair. Weirdest of all, she would take in a deep breath, as if she was taking in the scent, and then she would sigh wistfully, before leaving Peridot in stunned silence.

Instead of pulling on her loose tie and causing her discomfort, instead she would step in her path and quietly fix it herself, before kissing Peridot on the forehead and sending her off to work. The kissing was not unwanted, but also, unnecessary. Peridot would loosen it as soon as she was out the door, but she still let it happen. It wasn't that she wouldn't dare tell Lapis to stop, but rather that she valued the closeness every time. But, again, they were at home, behind closed doors, where no one could see them and they didn't have to pretend that there was any attraction between them. Did Lapis think someone might be spying on them? Was that why? And if so, why hadn't she told Peridot?

Peridot was at a loss for how to get her "back." Lapis was… complicated. She was afraid if she got too close that she might get hurt. Not emotionally, but physically. She had known Lapis had seen combat, up close in personal. She knew she was responsible for deaths before during her time as a pilot. She knew she'd had brushes with death, looked it in the face and spit and decided, _not today_.

Peridot had lost her leg in an accident, Lapis had earned the scar on her back when someone tried to actively kill her. She had a scar, that was all, and she walked away and lived to fight another day, as if it was just a minor inconvenience. She could look like the most gorgeous, high class woman, but if you got on her bad side, she could kill you with her bare hands. Peridot had never even killed a pet goldfish, let alone a person.

Yet somehow, Peridot had let this stranger into her home. She trusted her to sleep in the bed next to her. She followed her around and gave her any information she asked for. She didn't know if Lapis had been ordered to get rid of her when she'd served her purpose and this was all over. She was a liability, she knew that much. She was already a turncoat to her own country; how did Russia know she wouldn't turn around and betray them too? Or that she wasn't a double agent, actually planning to somehow sabotage Russia instead?

But with Lapis, she felt safe. Somehow. It didn't make sense. She shouldn't. This was a trained killer. Even though Peridot had read her file and knew her back story before they met, well, it was one thing to read about someone having killed dozens, and another thing to see them kill one. Peridot hadn't counted on one of their missions going wrong, but it had, and before she knew it Lapis was on top of some strange man and there was so much blood and-

"Are you alright?" Lapis had asked, which was silly because Peridot didn't have a scratch on her. Lapis acted as if her bloodied face and fists didn't exist, as if pain meant nothing. It wasn't until Peridot asked the same thing that Lapis seemed to notice that there was a metallic taste in her mouth and red on her hands. But she'd brushed it off, quickly washed herself in one of the sinks, and then stole a lab coat to cover her bloodied clothes. Somehow they got out of there, and nobody was ever the wiser. Nobody suspects a woman.

And that was the first, and Peridot hoped only, time she had seen Lapis actually kill someone. The gun in the nightstand was a reminder that she'd do it again if she had to. Gun or no, she _could_. She wouldn't hesitate. And it should have been terrifying, to be in the same house, in the same bed, with this war veteran, but Peridot had never felt safer in her life.

Aside from that incident, there was also the matter of Lapis changing in front of her. It had startled Peridot the first time it had happened. She had apologized, and Lapis had asked what for, all while she continued to undress with Peridot standing in the doorway. Perhaps it had to do with the lack of privacy during the war. Maybe lack of modesty was a Russian thing. Had they been married, it wouldn't have been unusual, but they weren't, and they were in private, and yet somehow Lapis didn't feel the need to hide all of her gorgeous curves and the jut of her hips and the smoothness of her shoulders. Lapis seemed to feel safe showing off her nude and vulnerable body, and somehow Peridot felt that made her special.

It was always Lapis initiating the little things. Peridot was too scared that she was reading too much into them and that they don't mean anything, that Lapis was just her friend and just happened to be overly affectionate. Yes, that's all. Just friends. That's all they'd ever be.


	2. Fear

The days go by. Information is passed to informants at specified locations and times. Everything goes according to plan. After the first slip up, there are no more. Things are almost going too smoothly. Either the higher up already know and they're letting it happen, or Lapis and Peridot are just that good. Maybe that's why they were chosen. That other agent walking in on them was dumb chance, and it had made them anxious, but nothing ever came of it. Of course the death wouldn't be in any of the papers. Somebody somewhere would make sure this was covered up, that nobody knew one spy had killed another. Spies weren't supposed to exist.

When they went out, they always went out together. Everyone would assume it was because they were married, but the real reason was so that they would have each others backs in case they were found out at any point. And they held hands so they wouldn't get separated in crowds, not because they were in love.

But there were little fleeting moments when one would look back at the other, and grin as if they were an old friend they hadn't seen in a long time. Sometimes one or both would even blush, but neither mentioned it and both assumed the other didn't notice. It was silly, really, how the signs could be right in front of them and both could be so oblivious. But they both knew what they felt inside.

It scared Lapis. She was more afraid than when her plane went down. More fearful than when she was imprisoned and her captors could have decided to execute her any day. She knew what she had signed up for when she entered the war. She did not fear death. Oh but love, _love_ was new and it was frightening.

It was a weakness, and Lapis hated weakness in herself. She was cold, hard, her life had been one misery after another and it was all that she deserved over and over again. But if anything were to happen to Peridot… Lapis could never get enough revenge, could never stack up enough bodies to destroy the pain she'd feel inside. She'd lost many comrades in battle, that was just how things worked. Peridot was different somehow, for some reason she _mattered_.

Lapis had tried to ignore the rising feeling. Peridot was just a friend. But she had gone to pick up her partner from her job, as she did every day, and somehow been roped into staying for some after work chatter and wine. It was nice to see Peridot having fun. She didn't often smile around the house, but not smiling and not having anything to be happy about was something Lapis knew all too well, so it wasn't concerning.

She thought her face was simply flushed from the wine, that the heat in her cheeks was all from the drink. That the goofy grin on her face was just because she'd had a little too much. She was watching Peridot get up to some antics with her coworkers, because as her wife, she should have her eyes on her other half.

Then Garnet was there, saying how nice it was to see two people in love. Lapis had mumbled a reply before excusing herself to the washroom. This wasn't supposed to happen. This _couldn't_ happen. Lapis had been through enough heartbreak in her life that she didn't need to add one more to the list. But she was stuck with this short, smart, adorable, blond woman, and they had to live together and even share the same bed. Fuck.

Peridot would never return her feelings. She was cold and hardened and unpredictable. She'd been kicked out of her own country for the time being. She could fight, but she'd dropped out of school to join the military at a young age, not that she'd been any good at it while she was enrolled anyway.

But just in case, Lapis had tried to drop hints every time she was able. She started being more affectionate. When they were sitting on the couch listening to the radio, she'd scoot over so her body was next to Peridot's, and she'd put an arm around her shoulder and pull her close. Peridot didn't protest, leaning into it everytime, and sometimes even falling asleep.

She did little things, like make breakfast, since Peridot didn't usually have time and skipped it. She started packing her lunches, so she wouldn't skip that, too. Of course, there was a cafeteria on site, but it would mean Peridot had to travel there and interrupt her work. Lapis knew from stopping by a couple times in the afternoon that Peridot found it a waste of time to walk all the way down to the cafeteria for something as silly as food. Lapis had wanted to take her out to lunch, but she refused to be moved. So Lapis started packing lunches that Peridot could eat in the lab without having to leave her precious work.

She fixed her tie in the morning, even though every time she came home from work it was askew again. Honestly, why did she even wear it if she was always going to insist it was too tight and wear it improperly?

It was little things, things that a wife would do. It was beyond what was required in the mission, and so she hoped that perhaps Peridot would understand what her little favors meant, and either confess that she felt the same way, or reject Lapis.

Neither happened, and it was frustrating. Peridot acted as if nothing different had been going on between them, nothing in the slightest. So Lapis started hugging her more, ruffling her hair, running her fingers through it, even taking in its scent sometimes. She'd kiss her, but only on the forehead or the cheek. They would fall asleep on the couch together, cuddling, their bodies touching. She had even gone so far as to start cuddling up to Peridot while she they were asleep in their bed.

But no matter how hard she tried, Peridot didn't seem bothered at all. She never told Lapis to stop, but never once did she ask why she had become so affectionate. They were inside, in their private quarters, alone, with no one watching them. What other reason could she possibly have? They didn't have anyone to put a show on for when they were at home. Peridot was smart, she couldn't really be so daft as to not have noticed, could she? How could someone with the brains to build a warhead that could level cities be so oblivious to the fact that her fake wife was in real love with her?


	3. Two Worlds

Despite how blatantly Lapis tried to display her feelings, Peridot did not return them. But neither did she seem uncomfortable with them, nor did she ask Lapis to stop. Lapis wished she could know more about Peridot. Yes, she'd read her file, but it was just full of facts. Been in the US Army Corps since she was nineteen. Lost her leg the same year she joined. Worked in a lab since then. Helped research and build nuclear weaponry for the US. That last part was happening while Lapis was busy being held prisoner by her home country.

They'd both began working for their respective governments just as they were beginning to strike out on their own. Ready to be independent, to make something of themselves, to change the world! Every young person's dream. And what the world needed most was aid in the war.

Peridot didn't have to change her life afterwards. There were always new things to research and discover. Bigger and more dangerous weapons to create. The two had reached crossroads, turning points that both went in directions the two never would have expected. And now, once this mission was over, where would they go? Who would they be?

Peridot could return to her job, the very one she was betraying. Lapis could go home. There were no specific job opportunities lied up for her. For soldier's, life after the war was often difficult. In war, there is always purpose. Always reason, always orders. Always someone to tell you what to do and where to go. Things were so simple for soldiers. Be assigned a mission, complete the mission, or die trying to complete the mission. And once you're done, there are more missions waiting. There are always more until the war is over. And then what?

You're a soldier. You probably didn't go to college because as soon as you left the house and broke away from your family, you joined up. Now it's been five years, if you survived. You have no education. Your life skills including being able to survive on minimal food, preventing trenchfoot, where a man's jugular is and how to hide a knife from the enemy in your boot. Those aren't talents that make good lawyers or bankers or store clerks.

You have your whole life ahead of you, but for what? A life of scars and fearing loud noises and always looking over your shoulder because you know all the enemies you made aren't dead. Those sorts of things never leave you.

Now for Peridot, she was smart. She could continue her job working for the government. Or she could move to something more low key, like being a professor at a university. She could excel at anything she put her mind to, and her superior brain and ability to use it, plus her previous work history, meant the option to go and work wherever she pleased.

Yes, their worlds were very different.

Lapis, popular in school, her choice of all the girls and boys at her every whim. She could have had a cushioned life in a fancy house, being doted on by servants and never having to lift a finger. But she had always been athletic, and fearless, and driven to accomplish her goals. Unfortunately, book learning had not been one of those goals. But Lapis was clever instead, able to worm her way out of nearly any situation.

Then there was Peridot. Shy, quiet, often bullied, always kept to her studies. Not one for social situations, not that anyone went out of their way to interact with her. She was taught that hard work was the only way to get anything in life, and that hard work would pay off. For her, it would. For many, that meant breaking their backs in a factory. But for Peridot, she got lucky.

Perhaps this was why Peridot was oblivious to Lapis' advances. It could have been that no one had ever tried to flirt with her before, and she did not recognize the maneuvers. But Lapis would have no way of knowing that. It had never been a problem getting attention from those she was attracted to, but Peridot was a tougher nut to crack than she'd bargained for. It seemed that perhaps, for the first time in her life, Lapis was going to have to work for someone she wanted.


	4. Confessions

They weren't supposed to fall in love, but would anyone care if they actually did? It wouldn't compromise the mission in any way. If anything, it would better solidify the roles that they were playing. There was no reason they shouldn't. It wasn't in the plan, but life had a funny way of not always going according to plan.

So it was that one morning Lapis dropped a bombshell on Peridot. The morning started off as it always did. The two of them, having breakfast. Then, the fixing of the tie, kiss on the forehead, and making sure Peridot didn't forget her lunch. And as Peridot scrambled out the door, late, as she frequently was, Lapis called out, "Goodbye! I love you!"

Peridot didn't acknowledge the statement, too busy bolting out the door. She loosened her tie as she always did, and then something struck her. Did Lapis just say she loved her? Peridot puzzled over the words. Had there been a neighbor watching as she left? Even if there had been, there would have been no way they heard Lapis. What the hell was going on?

The seeming confession bothered Peridot all day. It was all she could think of. She barely got any work done, and when she was questioned by her superiors, she made the excuse that she was probably coming down with something. So she was sent home early, which she was grateful for, because it was all that much sooner that she could confront Lapis.

Lapis was busy dusting. She did take care of many wifely duties around the house. At least, that's what it looked like on the outside. Really, a lot of it was making sure no one had snuck in and planted anything. "You're home early! I haven't even started dinner yet. Did something happen at work?"

"More like something happened _this morning_." Peridot made her way to the couch and began taking her shoes off, her nerves frayed as she tried to figure out how to approach the situation. "That thing, about… when you..."

Lapis joined her on the couch, but Peridot couldn't look up. "You said, 'I love you'. Why would you say that?!"

Lapis stared at her, hoping Peridot would look up so she could see those beautiful blue eyes. But it seemed that she was not in the mood to be either romanced or toyed with. "Because I do. Is that not alright?" This kind of talk was long overdue for them. Both were very guarded of their feelings, they had both led fairly private lives and war taught you not to trust anyone and to never show weakness. But the war had ended two years ago, and perhaps it was time to let down some of their barriers.

"But why though? This isn't real. You're not my wife. You know it. I know it. So what's been with you lately? And not just lately, but for weeks, actually." Peridot removed her leg and began to massage the stump. It seemed to ache more when she was stressed.

Lapis wordlessly reached over to help and Peridot allowed it. She loved being close to Lapis, though she'd never admitted it. "Would it be so bad if it was real?" she calmly asked. They'd been living together domestically for a few months now, and even though they'd rushed into things due to the mission, they seemed to be settling in quite well. It was easy, this life.

Peridot took a moment to imagine what this would be like if it was real. Well, their meeting was by chance. Without the mission, they wouldn't have known the other existed. They would have never met. But some force in the universe had brought them together, and they were both in love now. Even if if they hadn't met under normal circumstances, why couldn't they be together? What was stopping them? If Peridot thought about it, maybe it was only her own unwillingness to admit that she loved Lapis too. To show off that she was vulnerable and capable of emotion.

She thought about what their lives had become. Lapis, making breakfast every morning, preparing her lunch. Going off to work after her "wife" fixed her tie and kissed her. Coming home to dinner on the table and a spotless house and someone to keep her company. Someone who didn't care about her shady past or her missing leg or short stature or messy hair or freckles. Being with someone who loved all of those things about her. Someone she could care for, someone she could think about when work days felt too long. It had never been something Peridot had thought about, but she now had the option available to her. She could choose to not be all alone anymore.

"Peridot?" Lapis pulled her out of her thoughts. She'd moved from her leg up to her shoulders, continuing to massage the tender areas there. Peridot had been quiet for awhile, still staring down. She had yet to offer a response to Lapis' question.

Peridot finally looked up, studying Lapis' face. Looking for any hesitation, any hint that this could somehow be a Russian scheme to acquire more information from her. She found no reason to doubt the sentiments that she'd received over the last several weeks. "Are you sure?" It was still difficult for Peridot to wrap her head around the fact that someone so beautiful could go for someone like her.

Lapis lit up at the first sign Peridot had ever given of returning her feelings. "Of course!" she paused for a moment, moving from her shoulders to Peridot's hair. "I know our meeting was a bit unorthodox, but if you're willing, I'd like to try to make this work."

The other woman took a deep breath. "Me too." Finally admitting her feelings, even in a miniscule way, made Peridot feel like a weight had been lifted off her. She was unfettered now, free to express the feelings she'd kept bottled up inside out of fear. She and Lapis could finally begin to build a solid relationship, and really, truly, honestly begin their life together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm closing up this fic for now but there's the possibility I'll continue it later. I might end up making a second fic to continue. Nothing is certain at the moment.
> 
> Edit: Oh hey this does continue! http://archiveofourown.org/works/8473168/chapters/19414780 NSFW at the link!

**Author's Note:**

> If you like my work, please consider buying me a coffee! https://ko-fi.com/gemology


End file.
